taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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