Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
