Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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