Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
