I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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