Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
