Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
