i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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