We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
