capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
