life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
you will always have a special place in my vag
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
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