i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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