when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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