His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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