I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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