If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
You took a bar mat shot.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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