I think I won the penis lottery.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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