toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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