So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
