Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
