If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize