i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
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