you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
