Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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