you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize