Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
