dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
True strength comes from lack of pants
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
