He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
