i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I stole a fireplace last night.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize