I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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