There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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