It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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