Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
