i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
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