Define "chronic" masturbator.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
farters have to be the big spoon...
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
