I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
