I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
