There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
