my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
