wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
