i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
i drank out of a bidet.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
