He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
