I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
