Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
