I showed him my bush... on skype.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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