I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
