why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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