Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Hippo gnu deer
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
