do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
