"it" just moved
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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