I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
