love makes seman taste better
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize