It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
