I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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