Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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