I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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