Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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