Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
