oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Randomize
