It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
