Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I wish i was in the wii world.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
