My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
