Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
