have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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