their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
