I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
