it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
