this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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