i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
