omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
he high fived his dick after we had sex
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
