You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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